Quick Learning and Probably the Hardest Riddle of them All!

Ever thought of getting a college degree in one year?
David Banh did!

A year and a summer later, he was a U.Va. alumnus.

--Aaron Kessler, The Daily Progress

Fucking incredible!

The riddle:

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?

If you're a Korean Drama buff...

50 Things YOU can learn from Korean dramas

1) Hot, rich, younger men love fat, older vulgar women.

2) If you have a best guy friend, he is in love with you. And secretly you are too.

3) You and your boyfriend will always playfully chase each other on an ice rink, at the beach, or in the leaves. And you'll laugh for no reason and your boyfriend will hit you "playfully" but the force of his push will have you flying across the room. But it's okay. Cause you're still laughing like a crazy person.

4) Brothers/cousin/uncles-newphews will always love the same girl.

5) You're allowed to make uturns wherever you want in Korea. And there is never traffic on the side you want to u turn to.

6) There is a super quick payment device that allows you to pay a bill quickly enough for a guy to run immediately out of a restaurant after his angry girlfriend storms out.

7) Everyone has cancer.

8) If you're sick, all you need is an IV to make you feel lots better.

9) There is vomit and urine all over Seoul at nights.

10) Fighting at a pojangmacha with a random stranger is merely part of a normal night's event.

11) Soju must cost 10 cents. Everyone drinks it everyday all the time, especially the poor people.

12) If you're rich, you're a jerk.

13) If you're poor, you're an angel.

14) Women sleep and wake up with a full set of makeup on.

15) You're not studying hard enough unless you get a nosebleed.

16) If you have a nosebleed, you most definately have cancer. And you have no money to pay for the surgery that will save your life. And your liver is missing. We're not sure where it went, but it's making your cancer progress faster.

17) If you work in a sool jeep, you have massively curly hair and wear flashy colors from the early 90's.

18) You always order orange juice or coffee at a cafe. And you never drink it. EVER.

19) You will always call your boyfriend by his job title. Or simply sunbaenim. Never his name. Never. He doesn't have one.

20) If you TRULY love each other, you must die together in the end. Frozen outside instead of finding shelter like sane people. Just frozen....

21) You go to America you come back miraculously successful. You go to England you come back amazingly fashionable. You stay in Korea the only thing that changes is your hairstyle.

22) And if you come back with no apparent reason then it's because you have cancer.

23) Everyone always goes to the same hospital no matter where they are.

24) If you stand out in the rain for more than five minutes, you'll end up with a fever and vertigo and people will rush you to the hospital to get some magic IV. And instead of taking an ambulance or driving they'll race you on their back.

25) Even if you're poor and can't eat, you never wear the same clothes twice.

26) If you play a poor kid, you always have dirt on your face and your hair is always messy.

27) If you're saving someone from being hit from a car, you'll push them out of the way and wait for the car to hit you instead.

28) Everyone has a long lost sister/brother/twin. Usually one they didn't know about.

29) If you don't want to answer your phone, you can't just turn it off. The battery
needs to be taken out.

30) All korean men can drink hard, smoke long, sing well and play piano. Usually all at the same time. And at the same restaurant that has a piano that they let anyone use.

31) If you're in a relationship, you must at one point leave and have your lover tearfully come RIGHT before you board the plane (vice versa applies as well. You can be the chaser). 60% of the time you see each other, the other 40% you're roaming around in circles and pass each other about six times, but miraculously never see them.

32) If you're getting off a plane, you're ALWAYS wearing sunglasses. ALWAYS.

33) All guys wear hideous tracksuits zipped up to their neck. Even if all they're doing is jumproping.

34) Girls will always storm off because they're mad and the guy will stoically grab them by the arm and swing them back- and by magic, not dislocate their shoulders.

35) Guys always look like they're 6 feet tall, even if they're only 5'10. Thank you camera angles.

36) Guys like to wear foundation, eyeliner and sometimes a smudge of lipliner.

37) You always get stuck in an elevator with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. Even if there are six different elevators, you'll always be stuck in the same one with that bastard you hate (or just fought with).

38) Unless you're fabulously rich, your in-laws will always hate you.

39) So will your sister-in-law.

40) Your brother-in-law might be pining away for you.

41) There are only 2 ways to kiss. You either press your lips against theirs with your mouth completely shut, and just press away for a very long and uncomfortable time. OR you devour the other person and suck out their soul. In both instances, the world spins.

42) A guy will always get the right size ring, even if you're never held hands.

43) People stare off into space and ponder a lot. They'll just stop in the middle of the road and watch a leaf on a tree for a good three minutes, and just ponder.

44) You'll get pregnant the first time you have sex.

45) You'll get pregnant if he kisses you on the forehead.

46) Hell- you'll get pregnant if you hold hands.

47) If you overcome great obstacles to be together, one of you must die. Probably due to cancer.

48) One korean man can kick the butts of 6 gangstas. Especially when they all stand in a circle and attack the guy one by one. Then when each of them get their butts OWNED, they wise up and attack the guy at the same time. Then the guy will get pulverized and bleed out onto the dusty concrete floor of the empty warehouse they've found to fight in. There will be a fire in a trashcan somewhere. And the girl will have watched this the entire time, screaming in horror. Instead of calling 119, she'll just watch and cry. But it's okay. Cause the next day the guy will be fine with a few random bandages and a few face scars. But never a black eye.

49) It ain't a real fight unless the gangstas fight dirty with a stick or switchblade.

50) If you study in the states (perferably Harvard), you are one of the top students and can speak perfect English (as assumed by the reactions of those around you). Why the rest of the world OUTSIDE of the TV can't understand a single word uttered out of your melodramatic mouth is beyond me.

The Pencil Maker and You

The Pencil Maker spoke to the pencil saying, "There are five things you need to know before I send you out into the world. Always remember them and you will become the best pencil you can be."

"First: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in someone's hand."

"Second: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but this is required if you are to become a better pencil."

"Third: You have the ability to correct any mistakes you might make."

"Fourth: The most important part of you will always be what's inside."

"Fifth: No matter what the condition, you must continue to write. You must always leave a clear, legible mark no matter how difficult the situation."

The pencil understood, promising to remember, and went into the box fully understanding its Maker's purpose.

Everyone is like a pencil. Created by the Maker for a purpose. Recalling the "Parable of the Pencil" will help us as we go through life.

First: We can do many great things, but only when we allow ourselves to be held in the Lord's hand will we do them best. In His hand we will become a living testimony of His grace and mercy. He is never heavy handed and we, like the reed, a person will never be broken when yielding to His gentle guidance.

Second: When we are going through this life's problems, we must remember that they are required if we are to leave our best mark. These painful sharpenings are all a part of God's plan for us to be the best that we were created to be.

Third: We have been created to correct any mistakes we might make. Oftentimes this requires forgiveness and restitution.

Fourth: The most important part of you will always be what's on the inside. Without a born again experience a person is an empty vessel, a pencil without a lead.

Fifth and Finally: With God in us and us in Him we are like a completed pencil ready to leave a mark in this world. Our life will be readable document that is a testimony to and of the power and love of God,the creator.

-- Parable of the Pencil

An Epidemic

What is the world coming to when the sanctity of intra-racial relationships is breached by the growing epidemic of inter-racial dating? More commonly, Caucasians dating Asians, this is known as 'Yellow Fever'.

I don't know how, I don't know when, but I suspect that 'Yellow Fever' was born when Hollywood started pairing up Asians with non-Asians. At first, it wasn't really widespread. But as Hollywood continued to churn out movies, depicting Asian women as exotic, desirable objects, did 'Yellow Fever' really catch on. Now it has become common place to see Asian-non-Asian couples. Normally I don't have a problem with this. Good for society, that we are all able to overlook our racial and ethnic boundaries, the fight against racism may be having a beneficial outcome for all of us.

However! Notice how these relationships feature Asian women with Caucasian men. I have only ever seen one inter-racial relationship that features an Asian man with a Caucasian woman. But many many, I'd even go so far as to say, uncountable Caucasian men pairing themselves up with Asian women.

There is a very thin line to cross. As I was driving, I glanced into the rear view mirror, and what did I see? A balding Caucasian man that I can only describe as middle aged, maybe slightly older, cuddling with an Asian girl, approximately half his age. For some reason, that really irked me. Maybe its because I am of Asian decent, and the sight of an older Caucasian man feeling up a younger Asian girl breaches some kind of unspoken taboo instinct. Ever get the feeling that somethings are just wrong but you can't explain why? Its just wrong. Granted these kinds of things are everywhere nowadays. Maybe I'm just narrowing my scope to inter-racial relationships.

But don't you know its dangerous to drive while feeling up a hot Asian chick?

You're a Bloody Legend!

Heartbreak then for Fernando Alonso and Michael Schumacher fans, while Ferrari and BMW Sauber celebrate after an exciting Formula 1 race at the legendary Monza.

Championship leader Alonso returns to the paddock, frustrated and furious, after a spectacular engine blowout as Schumacher goes on to claim his 5th F1 Monza victory after a battle with Finn Kimi Räikkönen, who finished second. Schumacher takes a 10 point bite out of Alonso's lead. The Driver's Championship lead cut to 2 points as Ferrari take the lead for the first time this season in the Constructor's Championship. Schumacher and Ferrari look set to take both Driver's and Constructor's Championship should they retain their recent resurgent form after a dissappointing 2005 season!

Rejoice as well for BMW as Robert Kubica takes third podium in his third ever Formula 1 Grand Prix start. And what a spectacular drive he put in, starting from 6th on the grid to take third in the early stages of the race. Successfully defending his position from the charging Ferrari of Felipe Massa and more importantly regaining a crucial third from Spainiard Fernando Alonso. Unfortunately for Massa, his race was further compromised caused by what appeared to be an oil patch from Alonso's engine blowout, causing him to flat-spot his right front Bridgestone. After an unscheduled pit stop for new tyres, Massa ended his race 9th after 53 laps.

There was an interesting aftermath as immediately after the race, Schumacher finally announced his retirement, much to the dissappointment of his fans. Yes, thats right, Michael Schumacher is retiring from F1 at the end of this 2006 season. Statistically the greatest driver to grace F1, his retirement comes after 16 years of outstanding achievements, some including 7 F1 Championship wins.

With 3 GP starts to go, and a 2 point difference, can Michael Schumacher snatch the Driver's Championship from Fernando Alonso and go out on a high? Can the prancing horse leap ahead of the blue Renault rockets and claim the Constructor's Championship?

These answers will soon come!

In any case, Michael Schumacher, F1 will miss you. You are a bloody legend!

Songs of Passion

It used to be a tool for the expression of feelings. Love, loneliness, friendship, wanting were all feelings expressed in the songs of old as ballads, rock, pop, etc. Oldies we call them now, music of the old generation. However, in this generation, music has moved into new territories.

Mainstream music now consists of mostly rap and hip-hop. Of significant concern is the evolution of rap music. At its early conception, rap was used as fillers in hip-hop. Rap was and still is ancillary to mainstream hip-hop. Rap evolved into its own genre, to the extent that some artists, with the likes of Eminem, 50 cent, and Nelly dedicate themselves to it. The rap phenomena has grown since its conception by Kool Herc and the Herculoids, growing roots in todays less mainstream genres.

But why rap? I, for one can never grasp a solid understanding of what the song is about. One can barely hear the lyrics over the loud bass and sound effects, not to mention the high velocity recitation of the lyrics, making it impossible to process for the untrained ear. It is no secret that todays rap music concentrates on the human desires of sex, lust, greed, fast cars, and 'bling'. These are popular topics with the youth of today and quite possibly the reason why rap is so popular today. One thing is for sure, you don't have to be able to sing to join the rap industry.

An untapped music resource with high potential is Asian music. Undoubtly Chinese, Japanese, Korean music are the three most prominent music industries in Asia. Artists like Jay Chou, BoA, and Utada Hikaru have long breached cultural gaps, grasping fanbases from China, Japan, South Korea and other Asian countries. Unrealised by many is the fact that this completely separate industry is also acquiring a firm hold all over the world, especially in the USA and Canada.

The Asian genre not only adopts American mainstream styles, but often delves into experimental combinations leading to some interesting creations. I believe Asian artists aspire higher than those in the US, by actively promoting and expand their horizons all over Asia while at the same time bridging gaps caused by international disputes such as wars and political disagreements. Though this process is slow, it is surely happening. Artists like BoA have long closed, to some extent, the torrentius gap between Koreans and the Japanese while at the same time gaining fans in surrounding countries. American artists have it easier since the American culture is spread all over the world via television screens, cinemas, and the internet.

Not to go unmentioned are the musical stylings of the international 'World' genre, consisting of music from all over the world including Norwegian, German, Italian, etc. Through my own personal experiences, I find that this genre is interesting and worth giving a listening to. The masterful combination of classical, ballad and rock is unmatched by any genre on its own.

The next time you are in a music store, turn your gazes away, even if for a moment, from the Top 10 Charts and poke around the International section. If your local music store is poorly stocked with these less popular genres, try searching for some online. Remember, you can always sample first before buying!

Jackasses in the Toilet

Ever gone to the toilet to find a hot steamy turd on the toilet seat? If you have ever been to a public access toilet then I'm sure you have. Who in their right fucking mind would leave such a vile repulsive disgusting present for the next person who uses the toilet? Did Santa come early this year?

These kinds of people are pretty inconsiderate, considering that they are given the privillage of enjoying a clean sanitised toilet. Pretty selfish, in my opinion, that they would readily ruin the experience for everyone else. Not only does this disgusting act impact on users of said toilet, it also affects non-toilet users because they have to breath contaminated air that, quite honestly, contains bacteria and germs that can cause deadly diseases and will probably result in death. The ultimate benefactors (I use the term loosely) would be the janitors that clean these toilets everyday. I can imagine the disgust janitors develop when they have to spend an extra half hour cleaning after your mess. No wonder they are so anti-social and mean looking. They probably spend most of their day frowning while cleaning off poo. In order to repent for your sins, you will be killed and brought back to life as a janitor!

Another disgusting act, while not as vile as the afore mentioned, is not flushing the damn toilet. Everyone has encountered a toilet that isn't flushed. An unflushed toilet that consists of only water and urine, I can live with. But an unflushed toilet that is jammed with a combination of excessive toilet paper and the excrements of the previous jackass who used the toilet is unforgiveable. How hard is it to pull the fucking flush lever!? Even the damned cat in 'Meet the Parents' and 'Meet the Fockers' has the decency to flush. If you can pull down your pants to take a dump, I'm sure you can flush the toilet. In order to repent for your sins, you will drown in a toilet bowl filled to the brim with piss, shit and bloody tampons!

No matter how much we bitch and moan about dirty, mess, stinky toilets, when you gotta go, you gotta go. So here are some how to's on safe shitting:

1. The Hover
Pull down your pants, and let your butt cheeks hover 3-4 inches above the toilet seat. If you feel the pubes tickling your butthole, rise up another inch. Poop as you normally would, but use your arms to prop yourself up against the sides of the stall.

2. The Pinch and Pull
Apply a thick layer of toilet paper to said toilet seat, preferably 3-4 sheets thick. Drop your pants and slowly lower your ass down, being careful not to knock the ass guard of toilet paper off ... I am sure you all have, occasionally had toilet water splash up in and around [your] asshole while [you] let a log hit the water—a most uncomfortable sensation, unless you're into that sort of thing. Well, I have a technique I find to be most effective that will no doubt save you from this unfavorable situation. Shitting has to be seen as an activity in moderation. When you let a turd slip, cut it off short, around a length of maybe 3-4 inches. This will provide for less splashing. But the key part of this technique is not in the release, but in the actions that follow. Just as the turd leaves your asshole, pull your ass up in the air. The aftermath of water that splashes up from the turd’s impact has no chance of hitting your ass. Repeat this process until you’re finished, readjusting toilet paper as needed.

3. The Scoop and Score
This technique should ONLY be used in dire situations. [W]hen you arrive, the bathroom looks like Satan’s den. Every toilet is over-flowing and completely covered in what looks like shit, but you’re not sure because it’s just that fucking bad. There are no doors on the stalls, and the faucets are leaking brown water. There is only one way to handle a situation like this: Stand in the doorway of one of the stalls, pull down your pants and bend over. Grab a roll of toilet paper and wrap your hand in it thoroughly. Close you eyes, reach around your ass, and let that shit roll. As it comes out, heave it into the toilet. 2 points!

-- Michael Curtiss, Points In Case