Life's Meaning

Have you ever wondered what the meaning of life is? I'm sure you have, we all have. Have you found the ever elusive answer?

42

-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Many of us believe we have. It varies from person to person. Lets examine some answers to the question: What is the meaning of Life?

Work now, play later. That is the path taken by many of us. From a young age, we study hard, as evidenced by the new century education system where we begin our journey of intellectual enlightment at a younger and younger age. As we grow older we start looking for part-time jobs. When we graduate from the highest level of tertiary education we can manage, we begin working full-time. It is at this stage we begin our life's quest -- to work our asses off earning money, saving it for the future. We suffer in the early half of our lives so that we can enjoy the later half of life. Enjoy? At age 60, would you still (reasonably) be having sex? Would you be doing beer bongs, smoking pot, partying like its 1999? Highly doubtful, as working so hard for 40 years turns you into an elderly bitter fellow. You'd probably have bladder and prostate problems. What about rheumatism? Ah, this is what life is meant to be.

Alcohol! Ah, man's ultimate friend. Youngsters and some oldies live life like its their last. How? By indulging often in the glory of alcohol. Beer bongs, kegs, beer parties, wines, spirits, vodka, cocktails, you name it. Often the consequences of years and years of alcoholism leads to the mentality that once you have almost unlimited experience in the ways of drinking alcohol, you feel that a night out is not a night out without binge drinking. But this is the way they live their lives, belief that one lives for alcoholic pleasure. Nothing wrong in that, except the disasterous oversight that alcohol can, and will kill you.

Alcohol, the cause of and solution to, all of life's problems.

-- Homer Simpson

Sex sells sea shells by the sea shore. Pretty straight forward. Life exists to bring more life into the world. Right, bring into existance more people who will ask the same question as you did -- What is the meaning of Life? But this is not a concern here. The goal in this life is to have as much sex as you can. If this results in procreation, then thats an extra bonus (or not).

So, what is the meaning of life to me? Its to ask what the meaning of life is. Think about it for a second. The meaning of life -- is to ask life's ultimate question. If it isn't, the why do we individuals ask such a question? There are many more answers to life's ultimate question. Its up to you to find your own answer, whether you do find one, thats your own problem.

Miss Match

What is with this female obsession? The need to match make one girl with one guy, one guy with one girl?

Many occasions have there been single guys matched with single girls, not by fate or chance meeting, but rather by the nudging of a mutual female friend. Is it because she genuinely feels that the two are a match and should be together? Or maybe it's because she feels sorry for the guy or girl. Now, I know that on occassion a guy might do a similar thing. Match make, I mean. But what you have to realise is that this particular guy probably has a female in him waiting to jump out and 'blossom'.

I'm not saying that everyone hates being match made, most of us probably appreciate it because you care enough. But you never know who you are being matched with -- worst case, a rapist ... maybe a psycho serial killer. The victims to a match make go along with your plans because they don't want to dissappoint you , or aviod being called a bitch or dick etc etc. Please realise that your perception of who has what in common with whom may be way off -- and the result, disaster!

So a word of caution then, when you match make, make sure you really know your victims.

The Hospital

Hospitals smell.

The sterile smell is everywhere, its as if you can actually taste the bleach they use to clean the floor, walls, ceiling, whatever, you name it. The thought of spending a night in a hospital sends shivers down my spine, especially as thought of rogue bleach particles floating around in the air invading my nostrils and beginning a dance of erosion on my turbinates.

But no matter how much you hate the smell of hospitals, there will be at least one time in your college life you will somehow end up there.

-- Simmone Cullen, Points In Case

Yes, you people in college/university know this all too well. I wouldn't be surprised if you've been admitted to hospital more than once for you know what. Binge drinking.

Drinking is all fun and well, especially with your mates. Young people nowadays think they're invincible. Cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol cannot kill you. You are invincible. I wonder where these insinuations come from. Maybe we've been watching too much TV. News flash people, binge drinking will kill you (as will smoking and taking drugs)! Lets face it, there's always someone at a party, think 21st birthday celebrations, who will inevitably try to consume more than their body weight in alcohol. I suppose its customary, maybe even a right of passage into adulthood. And guess where they end up? Yes, in the bleach coated institution affectionately known as, the hospital -- getting your stomach pumped. That can not be a pleasant experience, with the tubes down your throat and the feeling of your gut being sucked out.

One would think that if you ever survive a stomach pumping, you'd never binge drink again. Oh, how wrong can we be. In fact, I believe, the idea of teenage invincibility doesn't stem from TV, or from the movies, or any mass media. It comes from the amazing medical breakthroughs that gave us the stomach pumping procedure. Lets think about this for a moment -- if stomach pumping did not exist, there would probably be several deaths by alcohol. What better way to teach us ignorant humans, and teenagers, that we can die! **gasp** We'd probably think twice before ever binge drinking again. But of course, that would never happen, because someone will eventually say, "Hey, how about I stick a vacuum cleaner hose down your throat and suck your insides out!". What a brilliant idea!

There are a lot of hospital related TV shows nowadays: Grey's Anatomy, Scrubs, ER etc. Notice how the doctors and nurses are all really good looking? Most of the elements of such TV drama/comedy, dramedy -- new word coined since the existance of Desperate Housewives, shows are superficial in nature, focusing on the bold and the beautiful. What we need to see is all the bloody, gory, nitty gritty stuff that happens in real life hospitals, not the allusion that if you spend a day in a hospital you'd be tossed right in the middle of an exciting episode of Grey's Anatomy or ER. However, unfortunately the scenes where medicine is actually being practiced are there to keep the flow going. There should be shows specifically designed to show us that we are all fragile and vunerable, and they do -- to a certain extent, and that, if we don't take care of ourselves, we might end up on a well lit narrow bed with various people poking the insides of our bodies with strange looking tools while our innards hang out.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate these kinds of shows, they provide some form of entertainment on a cold dull winter's night. Amazingly, I happen to appreciate doctors too. Because maybe one day, one of them could potentially break my heart. And no, I'm not talking about love.

P/S: Clinics are hospitals, only smaller.

Dicks, pussies and assholes

Welcome to the new and not so improved version of Kontraban, version 2.0. I decided Kontraban version 1.0 was taking up valuable webspace, so I've moved here.

Tonights rant :-

[T]here's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes.

-- Team America World Police (2004)

Its true, there really are only three kinds of people in this world - dicks, pussies, and assholes.

The guy at the corner store that short changes you, the girl in the room that flirts with you but will avoid you like the bubonic plague, the newspaper boy who chucks your morning newspaper into the gutter, the know-it-all bitch next door...and then there are those you call family. Lets face it, there's a dick, a pussy and an asshole in every family, in fact, there's at least one everywhere you go.

The dicks will say they're your friends, will back you up, watch your back, bla bla bla, etc etc etc. But the moment they get the opportunity, they'll stab you in the back, maybe they'll frame you for something you didn't do, could be for anything else, even something as small as peas. There's nothing you can really do about it, try and fight back, and you'll not only have to face the dick, but also the balls. But most importantly, you never know if the dick is going to pull out in time, or screw you over or maybe even slap your face around a bit.

The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate

-- Team America World Police (2004)

A pussy is the general "lets all get along" type of person. Pussies think they have everything sorted out. They think they know how to handle situations. They're the kind of know-it-all gossip pots who poke their noses in places where they shouldn't belong. Pussies shouldn't like dicks because they get fucked the most. However, thats not completely true. In this twisted world we live in, pussies actually like dicks -- when they don't realise they're being fucked.

[S]ometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from assholes.

-- Team America World Police (2004)

And then we have the assholes. Assholes are the leaders of society. Maybe you chose them to lead you without realising that they're full of hot steaming cow dung. They lead you around, making you believe that they're doing the best they can for you -- and then, when you least expect it, they shit all over you. When that happens, they make times difficult for everyone, they know it, and they love it because there's only one thing you can do about it, wipe yourselves clean with toilet paper ... okay, two things, taking a shower will help too. But you'll never be rid of the feeling of being violated like that no matter what kind of toilet paper you use, or how hard you scrub.

[A]ll the assholes want is to shit all over everything!

-- Team America World Police (2004)

But -- we need dicks, pussies, and assholes.

Without dicks, who will fuck the pussies and shut them up?
Without dicks, who will fuck the assholes who shit all over the place?
Without pussies, how will dicks get their reprive?
Without assholes, who will make the pussies and dicks take a shower?

So which would you rather be?
Me? I'd rather be an asshole. Sure, I may get fucked, but I get to shit all over the place.