Dicks, pussies and assholes

Welcome to the new and not so improved version of Kontraban, version 2.0. I decided Kontraban version 1.0 was taking up valuable webspace, so I've moved here.

Tonights rant :-

[T]here's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes.

-- Team America World Police (2004)

Its true, there really are only three kinds of people in this world - dicks, pussies, and assholes.

The guy at the corner store that short changes you, the girl in the room that flirts with you but will avoid you like the bubonic plague, the newspaper boy who chucks your morning newspaper into the gutter, the know-it-all bitch next door...and then there are those you call family. Lets face it, there's a dick, a pussy and an asshole in every family, in fact, there's at least one everywhere you go.

The dicks will say they're your friends, will back you up, watch your back, bla bla bla, etc etc etc. But the moment they get the opportunity, they'll stab you in the back, maybe they'll frame you for something you didn't do, could be for anything else, even something as small as peas. There's nothing you can really do about it, try and fight back, and you'll not only have to face the dick, but also the balls. But most importantly, you never know if the dick is going to pull out in time, or screw you over or maybe even slap your face around a bit.

The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate

-- Team America World Police (2004)

A pussy is the general "lets all get along" type of person. Pussies think they have everything sorted out. They think they know how to handle situations. They're the kind of know-it-all gossip pots who poke their noses in places where they shouldn't belong. Pussies shouldn't like dicks because they get fucked the most. However, thats not completely true. In this twisted world we live in, pussies actually like dicks -- when they don't realise they're being fucked.

[S]ometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from assholes.

-- Team America World Police (2004)

And then we have the assholes. Assholes are the leaders of society. Maybe you chose them to lead you without realising that they're full of hot steaming cow dung. They lead you around, making you believe that they're doing the best they can for you -- and then, when you least expect it, they shit all over you. When that happens, they make times difficult for everyone, they know it, and they love it because there's only one thing you can do about it, wipe yourselves clean with toilet paper ... okay, two things, taking a shower will help too. But you'll never be rid of the feeling of being violated like that no matter what kind of toilet paper you use, or how hard you scrub.

[A]ll the assholes want is to shit all over everything!

-- Team America World Police (2004)

But -- we need dicks, pussies, and assholes.

Without dicks, who will fuck the pussies and shut them up?
Without dicks, who will fuck the assholes who shit all over the place?
Without pussies, how will dicks get their reprive?
Without assholes, who will make the pussies and dicks take a shower?

So which would you rather be?
Me? I'd rather be an asshole. Sure, I may get fucked, but I get to shit all over the place.